January 19, 2019

Liz Ariola

the motherhood journey

POST PARTUM AND AXIETY / MOTHERHOOD:EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY

January 19, 2019

Liz Ariola

the motherhood journey

THE MAMA SERIES X EMILY KASEL

I am honored that Emily decided to share her story with us, she is one strong individual. Thank you Emily. I know you are going to help so many other women that might be suffering in silence. Emily will take it from here.

I am a 30 something girl from Long Island who once sold ad space, taught kindergarten and now spends her days raising kids and then writing about it. I have a tiny dictator toddler and a newborn arriving in a few weeks. I am wildly obsessed with my children and overwhelmed by them every day.

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety 6 weeks after my daughter’s birth. It brought me strength and passion I didn’t know I had. I began sharing my story on Instagram and later launched my blog to document my journey. My dream now focuses on redefining the expectations of motherhood and shedding light on the realities of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.

Motherhood: Expectations versus Reality

Learning to manage my own expectations is one of the most important tools in managing anxiety. Though for much of my life, I didn’t know how to do that well. I’ve always had this way of building things up in my mind, only to be very let down. Alternatively, I’d worry about how something might turn out, particularly things out of my control, only to be pleasantly surprised by the outcome. I don’t think I am alone here. This kind of “future tripping” is very common. Motherhood was no different. I expected that I’d take to motherhood like a fish to water. I was sure that nothing would come more naturally. Motherhood was in my bones, I was sure of it.

Then I became a mother and all of those dreams and expectations came crashing down. After giving birth to Mary Clare in September 2017, I found myself in a very dark place. I felt little to no connection to my daughter. I didn't want to be with her while simultaneously wanting to control every aspect of her life. When Mary Clare cried, I panicked. When I left the house without her, the anxiety was crippling. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety about 6 weeks after giving birth. I received treatment under the care of my primary care doctor and my longtime therapist. Recovery was a process that took time. The hardest part was not blaming myself but with the support of so many I started to make progress.

After a few weeks, the fog slowly lifted. By the new year, I was having more good moments than bad ones. I began to hit my stride as a mother around February 2018. Then under the care of my doctor, I weaned off my medication in May. I finally had my happy ending.

Then when Mary Clare was about 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant. I remember when I got the positive pregnancy test with Mary Clare, I was overjoyed, this was what I had been wanting for so long! I did not have those feelings the second time around. When I saw the positive test, the walls started closing in all over again. I was having panic attacks. I felt my connection to Mary Clare slipping away. The anxiety seemed inescapable. I never expected to feel this way while pregnant. Yet there I was, again, experiencing a reality that was vastly different from my expectations.

I would soon find out, I was experiencing a relapse which is extremely common. This time around, I knew right away something was not right. I sought treatment immediately and discovered an incredible specialized program right in my backyard – The Perinatal Psychiatry program at Zucker Hillside Hospital. Perinatal mental health care focuses on the unique behavioral and mental challenges women may experience during and after pregnancy. I saw a doctor who specializes in perinatal psychiatry, it was through her I learned more about perinatal mental health and the safety of taking medication while pregnant. I went back on medication and began group therapy. Little by little, I came out on the other side of this episode.

Currently, I’m doing really well. I still take SSRI medication and will continue to do at least one year postpartum in order to avoid a relapse. I continue to see my psychiatrist and regularly attend group therapy. We are excitedly expecting Mary Clare’s little sibling in just a few weeks. Mary Clare is curious, perseverant, funny and sweet. We have so much fun together and the love I have for her cannot be captured in words.

Even still, I have days where I wonder how I’ll make it through the next hour. It’s on those days that I feel the expectations starting to take over, so I do my best I use the tools I have to help me cope. The way I cope with the anxiety that my expectations cause is through a reality check. I ask myself, “what is real right now?” The answer is always, “this moment, Mary Clare and me.” Seems simple but honestly, that’s all we’ve got. The moment we’re in and the people in it with us. When your mind is running away with itself, you must find a way to ground yourself, to bring yourself back down to earth. This reality check helps brings me back to the present. It reminds me that we have no way of knowing what the future holds and that focusing on made up expectations will only do one thing for me. It will steal my joy. I am reminded that enjoying life is about living in the here and now.

I didn’t expect to have postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t expect to get pregnant again so quickly. I didn’t expect that pregnancy could cause me to relapse. In a lot of ways, those unmanaged expectations made me really angry. They caused a lot of sadness and pain for me in my first year of motherhood.

However, those unmet expectations also lit a fire inside me, one that drives me to help and educate other women. Historically, the realities of motherhood and childbirth are not part of the mainstream conversation. I believe this has set womankind up with unrealistic expectations of motherhood and ultimately makes it so much harder for us. That’s why, I believe, as a community of mothers, it is up to us to change the conversation. It is us, the ones who know what it is really like, to shed light on the truth of motherhood.

It feels like a big task but each of us doing little things each day makes a big difference. It can be as simple as speaking honestly when a friend asks how you’re doing. It’s okay to say, “I haven’t pooped in days and my nipples are bleeding,” or “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, the baby is always crying.” It’s okay to keep it real and say how you really feel. Motherhood is really really hard but it is also the best thing you will ever do. We need to create a space where those two realities can exist in tandem. So let’s make sure we keep it real so we can make the transition to motherhood easier for our sisters!

Motherhood is so much harder than I expected. It has made me so much stronger than I ever imagined I could be. It has brought me the deepest joy I have ever felt and brought me more peace than I ever knew possible. That is my reality. It’s a reality I love and wouldn’t change.

Tips for Easing Anxiety – these are immediate actions you can take right now.

Get out: go outside in the fresh air, a simple walk around the block will do wonders.
Reach out: do not sit alone suffering. Call a family member or friend, express how you feel and if you can, ask them to come over.
Breathe out: when I have a panic attack I place both hands over where my neck and chest meet, I breathe deeply in my nose and out my mouth then say the mantra, “I won’t always feel this way, it’s going to be okay.” Repeat. The hands placement physically center me, the mantra and breathe work focus my mind.

Resources – use these resources to seek help at the first sign of any symptoms.

Take the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) Assessment which has universally been the first step in diagnosing cases of PPD for over 30 years
PSI HelpLine call: 1-800-944-4773 or text: 503-894-9453
Postpartum Support International (PSI) is the ultimate resource for any woman who may be experiencing PPD/A
Find a perinatal psychiatric program near you

If you think you may be experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety, DO NOT WAIT, please seek help immediately. Thank you for letting me share my story. You can find me by heading over to my blog, click here.

January 8, 2019

Liz Ariola

the motherhood journey

INFANT REFLUX X THE MAMA SERIES

January 8, 2019

Liz Ariola

the motherhood journey

INFANT RELUX BY DANIELLE MESSINGER NAHAS

“All babies spit up, it is completely normal, as long as she is gaining weight and has wet diapers every six hours, there is nothing to be concerned about,” said our pediatrician. Easier said than done.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am a new mom, and older mom, a nutritionist and one that works in the health and wellness world, as crazy as it may sound to most anyone reading this or speaking to me, “as long as she is gaining weight” isn’t a good enough answer to me when my newborn baby would spit up what appeared to be, her entire meal after every feeding. I am not one to panic or be overly obsessed with things, however, when it comes to being responsible for a little human, I would say my number one concern is questioning myself and not trusting my “mom gut” as I like to call it.

Around two weeks of age my daughter Sawyer started spitting up after feeding and I don’t mean just dribble down her chin, I mean projectile vomiting shooting out of her like the exorcist. When I was walking down the hall with her one morning, she nearly sat straight up in my arms and viciously projectile vomited almost three feet all over the wall and floor. It scared me so much I prepared to perform mouth to mouth on her thinking she was choking and about to stop breathing. When I looked at her and saw that she was not turning blue, I collected myself and called the pediatrician to get her an appointment thinking that she might be ill.

Here we were two days before her two-week appointment at the pediatrician’s office. She was fine, great, actually, she was gaining weight and had great diaper output so there was no sign of dehydration. After collecting some basic information regarding her feeding; yes, I am breastfeeding, no I had not been using a bottle, yes, I am pumping and typically 4 ounces from each breast AFTER feedings, the pediatrician figured that I must have a very aggressive let down and an oversupply of milk. It was determined that I was overfeeding our child and she was getting rid of what she didn’t need. That answer sufficed I am new at nursing, my milk hadn’t regulated, and I didn’t know how to help that. I was given some recommendations on how to help with my flow and advised that I could start using a bottle for some feedings with slow flow nipples.

Working on those recommendations, I began pumping for a few minutes prior to feedings instead of after, and we started using the Munckin Latch bottle which is an anti-colic bottle with a slow flow nipple -P.S. this was great bonding time for her and her daddy-. The projectile vomiting didn’t subside, and I noticed that no matter how tightly we swaddled her she would kick and grunt in her sleep, therefore not having a restful sleep. During the day she became fussy, she would cry when we laid her flat, she would scream when we put her in a supine position in the bouncy chair, she hated rockers or anything that bounced her, she would eat comfortably then right after she would cry and out would come the spit up, nothing seemed to soothe her except holding her and sleeping on my chest. When she began greeting me in the morning with projectile vomit before I even picked her up – hours after being fed-, and her little coos were sounding hoarse as if her throat were raw, I was done. This wasn’t my child, I knew immediately something was off she was not a fussy baby and here we were closing in on the month mark and I found myself crying and stressed after every feeding. During her night feedings I found myself obsessively googling “baby spit up,” “baby vomiting,” only to find that infant reflux kept popping up. I understand reflux, man I had more heartburn and reflux while pregnant with this child than I would wish on my worst enemy, it was painful for me and I could imagine if this was what she was going through how painful it must be on her little, underdeveloped system. Enter a fantastic website: www.infantreflux.org . It was here that I learned what the symptoms of reflux are as well as the difference between reflux and colic – we didn’t think she was colic, but it was starting to manifest itself that way-. She had the top three symptoms on the list and a dozen others. I love our pediatrician, I interviewed multiple practices prior to having our baby, and she supports our choices of care for Sawyer. However, I was frustrated with her when she kept telling me “Sawyer is gaining weight, stop stressing.” I felt that she wasn’t hearing me, and that made me question myself. I literally melted down to my husband telling him the hardest thing about parenting is not trusting yourself and watching our child in discomfort was heart wrenching to me.

A friend told me her son went through the same thing and they ended up putting him on Zantac, I wasn’t sure this was the route I wanted to take but she referred me to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist who I immediately scheduled an appointment with. I began educating myself on everything reflux, in my learnings, I found it is common among babies, their Lower Esophageal Sphincter (LES) is immature and can take up to a year to develop, however, it can also be exacerbated by food intolerances from milk or soy proteins, or a formula that is fortified and babe isn’t handling it well. Since I was breastfeeding I did an elimination diet, removing all dairy for two weeks, I also introduced an infant probiotic, a powder formula that I put on my fingertip and rubbed on the inside of her cheek. Alas, we used Mylicon which worked in our favor and for a little while she stopped kicking and grunting while sleeping, which I figured was the cause of her discomfort in the morning. Lying flat didn’t give the acid any place to go but up, she was kicking from discomfort and it became a domino effect creating gas and burning her little throat which was making her hoarse. What we often forget is all these systems are connected, when one is not functioning at its highest level, it creates an imbalance in the rest of the systems. My firm belief is when treating, you need to get to the foundation of the problem and hopefully it will create equilibrium in the other systems.

At our GI appointment the most important thing for me was to find out if she had any intolerances from my breastmilk, or any ulcers or sores from the acid production. He tested her stool to make sure there was no hidden blood in it as well as any discharge -which would indicate intolerances-. Both these tests came back normal. He did some additional testing (nothing invasive) and determined that yes it was reflux and he wrote a prescription for Zantac. Here is the kicker, with babies if you go the route of using Zantac, you cannot use it on an as needed basis, you need to do it consistently and that could mean medication for many months. Once their LES begins to mature you then ween them off the Zantac. Completely acceptable, however, my husband and I decided that Zantac would be a last resort. The GI supported our choice gave us the prescription to have and then recommended a few other things to try; probiotics, I could add a half a teaspoon of oatmeal to my breastmilk and give her that morning and night in a bottle to help coat her belly, have her sit upright for 20 minutes after each feeding, and put her on an incline when she slept. All great recommendations and we did everything but the oatmeal. I also started taking her to a pediatric chiropractor that worked on her diaphragm to help it release and palpitate it to encourage strengthening. I noticed that the day after the appointment she would have a bad day but it was all “old milk” that the chiropractor explained was sitting behind the sphincter keeping it from functioning properly. The rest of the week after those appointments she would spit up very little, so it helped settle things and slowly her symptoms started to lessen. She became less fussy, she stopped kicking and grunting, her sleep was more restful, the morning side of spit up and the hoarse throat went away and now, here we are 5 months old, we haven’t fully kicked the habit but now it is more along the lines of the “normal baby spit up routine.”

After that GI appointment, I was able to breathe easy and trust that I was doing all I could to support this little human and that there was nothing seriously wrong with her. We are very blessed to have a healthy, developing baby, but first-time mama’s, we all know there will be something that scares the pants off us and in our hormonal, exhausted phase, little problems are very daunting. If there is anything I know from working in my field, you have to be your own health advocate, if there is anything you take away from this article it is to trust yourself, listen to your intuition, find a practitioner who is going to support you, do your research and press, press, press if you feel that something is not right or you are not happy with an answer. As I said to my husband, I don’t want to ever override my mom gut, because the moment I do, it will be a bigger issue. As a new mom I need to learn to trust myself and so that is what I am working on hour by hour, while enjoying every moment I can with our baby girl!

January 4, 2019

Liz Ariola

motherhood journey

SUPPLEMENTING & PUMPING THE MAMA SERIES

January 4, 2019

Liz Ariola

motherhood journey

THE MAMA SERIES X ELIZABETH CLEMENTS ON SUPPLEMENTING + PUMPING

This is a beautiful and raw piece that I think many women will be able to connect with. I love Elizabeth’s outlook at the end of her story and I could not agree more with her on her thoughts around supplementing with formula and pumping. At the end of the day we need to do what’s best for our babies , what is best for our relationship with our children and for our well being. I also think it is important to point out the real unexpected challenges that can occur after birth. Not only is this a sensitive time in a mother’s life but add in the physical and mental exhaustion and it is not hard for self doubt to enter the equation. Elizabeth you are one strong mama! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Elizabeth will take it from here:

Throughout my pregnancy, I received a lot of well-meaning but intrusive questions and advice, including assumptions about my plans to breastfeed. I fully intended on breastfeeding but that was the extent of my planning. I knew that my mom had breastfed me for over a year and I figured we would be equally as successful. I naively assumed that since breastfeeding was the most “natural thing in the world,” it would come, well, naturally to us.

After a happy, healthy pregnancy and a relatively uneventful labor and delivery, I welcomed a beautiful, baby girl. The following hours were a blur as we got to know our sweet girl and tried to process all the procedures and information being thrown our way. Multiple lactation consultants (LCs) came to visit us in the hospital and my husband diligently listened along to their tips and suggestions so that we could both be armed with the requisite knowledge. I really only clicked with one of the LCs - the one who taught me how to pump, which would ultimately became our saving grace. I remember starting to get stressed that my milk wasn’t coming in yet (I vaguely remember manually expressing a few precious drops of colostrum every few hours), but everyone reassured me that it would come in any time now and then we’d be off to the races.

By the time we were ready to be discharged, our daughter was losing weight, but we weren’t within the window of concern just yet. We were eager to get home and start our new normal, and assumed things would fall into place as we found our groove. My milk finally came in once we got home and I set up a little nursing station with my trusty breastfeeding pillow. My husband stood by, eager to help, and tried to coach me through the positions the LCs had taught us. After that, however, the wheels started to come off pretty quickly.

Still running on a swirling mix of adrenaline and anxiety, I swore I would stay up all night to watch her sleep. While my husband talked some sense into me and convinced me to get some sleep, our daughter would only stay down for ten minutes at a time before erupting in heartbreaking wails. We frantically tried to follow the 5 S’s and everything under the sun to soothe her back to sleep. I kept trying to nurse her around the clock, but each attempt ended with both of us in tears. I stood helplessly as we resorted to my husband finger feeding her via syringe with my small but growing stash of pumped milk.

At our first post-discharge pediatrician visit, we learned she had lost even more weight and were told to come back in 48 hours for another weight check. We headed back home feeling even more exhausted and dejected and decided to start operating in two-hour shifts so that we could each grab a few minutes of sleep. The next few days were awful - I dreaded feeding her, I was terrified of having to do this alone when my husband went back to work in a few days, and we were running on fumes. By the time we made it back for her next weight check, we were desperate for good news.

Our daughter had lost even more weight at this point and I completely broke down in the doctor's office. The pediatrician was kind but frank with us, telling us that our baby was quite simply starving and we were trapped in a vicious cycle where she was too hungry to sleep but too weak to nurse. We were hours away from having to take her back to the hospital to be hooked up on an IV. She instructed us to go straight to the grocery store to buy formula. She also told me to take a break from nursing since it was only causing me more distress and suggested I continue pumping each time we fed her. I flashed back to the doctor on call screaming at the nurses to get the formula samples out of all the recovery rooms and I broke down again in the baby care aisle, sobbing that I would be setting our baby up for a lifetime of health and academic failures by having to supplement. My husband brought me back to earth and reminded me that the most important thing we could do for our daughter right now was to feed her, any which way we could.

As we slowly but surely started to make progress with her formula and pumped feedings, I felt torn and conflicted. When I was given the “freedom” to take a break from breastfeeding and just pump, I felt like an enormous weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders. At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like a failure. This beautiful, magical, natural experience that we were “supposed” to have wasn’t ours and therefore there must be something wrong with me.

I knew that I should be celebrating each weight milestone (she stopped losing weight, started gaining, and finally climbed back up to her birth weight) but instead I was wracked with incredible guilt for not being strong enough to give her what she needed on my own. Our pediatrician didn’t try to force the issue of switching from pumping back to nursing, but I agreed to get help from the LCs at our hospital once more. It was an exhausting evaluation throughout which I still felt like I was doing everything wrong, but it did confirm an underlying tongue and lip tie (this experience requires an entirely separate post, you can read Mrs. Nipple’s experience with that HERE ) was preventing my daughter from effectively transferring milk. Again, this should have brought me some relief but I was almost too overwhelmed to process it.

Shortly after that consultation, I took a step back to consider our options, keeping in mind the ultimate goal, feeding our baby. I could suck it up and try to power through nursing, despite the anxiety it caused us both, or I could choose a different feeding journey of supplementing and pumping that seemed to alleviate tensions all around. Close friends shared similar experiences with me, and their reassuring words and guidance convinced me we could choose this path instead. My supply was steady enough that we were able to stop supplementing within a few weeks and I furiously tried to research everything I could find on exclusively pumping (“EPing”). I tried not to get discouraged by the limited research and naysayers, and forced myself to take it one step a time - could I make it to the end of the month? Her 1 month birthday? 2 month birthday?

I soon became a pumping machine, scheduling pump sessions around her feedings, appointments, and outings, and quickly grew to love my pump time. It forced me to slow down and stop trying to do everything at once - the extent of my multitasking was playing with her or catching up on Instagram if she was napping. When it was time to go back to work, I mastered my new pumping schedule and schlepped all of my gear back and forth. I pumped at the airport, in the car on long roadtrips, and put my “PackIT” freezer bags to the test safely transporting milk across town and up and down the East Coast.

I had set an arbitrary goal of making it to her 6-month birthday and as at that date grew nearer, my love for pumping started to turn. It was the first thing I did when I woke up and the last thing I did before I went to bed and it was growing tiresome and somewhat isolating. I mapped out a weaning timeline and gradually started decreasing my pump sessions. I worked out a (perhaps unnecessarily complex) system for working through my freezer stash and reintroducing formula. I started to beat myself up again, feeling guilty that I was stopping pumping for selfish reasons and nervous that she wouldn’t adjust back to formula. My last pump session was filled with mixed emotions - I remember feeling proud of myself for having made this option work for us for as long as it did, relieved that I could go about my day without factoring in pumping logistics, and sad that this particular chapter was coming to a close. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this point, but she handled the transition like a champ and happily gobbled down whatever bottle was given to her.

I still cringe when I hear comments implying that the only way to bond with your baby is by breastfeeding. While I have no doubt that breastfeeding your baby is a unique, strengthening experience, I also know that pumping and supplementing allowed me to be the best mother to my sweet girl. I gained confidence with each pump session and I loved holding her while feeding her - two things that eluded us in our early days. Further, it provided a wonderful opportunity for other family members to bond easily with her, a win for everyone.

My daughter is days away from her first birthday and as I watch her thriving now, our early struggles seem like a lifetime ago. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that we were doing an amazing job and everything was going to be okay. Since time travel is impossible, there are a few suggestions I’d like to pass along to others who may be in the same boat.

Be Kind to Yourself: One of my friends who gave me the courage to try EPing shared a phrase that really stuck with me: Motherhood =/= Martyrdom. No one was going to win if I stubbornly (and unsuccessfully) insisted on breastfeeding just because that’s what every other mother did. I became a different mother when I stopped beating myself up and I firmly believe that my relationship with my daughter fundamentally shifted for the best when we chose to supplement and pump.
Lean on your Partner: My husband has long been a partner in every sense of the word, but I’m eternally grateful for the way he jumped in to try to understand the mechanics of feeding. He knew that even though he wouldn’t be the one to physically nurse her, he could follow along with the instructions and support me from the side. When we had to try other forms of feeding, he was right there trying to figure out the best position for holding her. He listened to my frustrations, encouraged me when I was too hard on myself, and kept us focused on getting our daughter healthy and strong, and it really helped me feel like we were in this together.
Talk About It: Whether it was because I was feeling vulnerable or too exhausted to filter myself, I was brutally honest when friends would check in on us. If I had swept our challenges under the rug, I don’t know that our friends would have been equally as honest with me in sharing their own challenges. I had felt frustratingly isolated until I learned that other women had been in this exact same position. Their words of support and reassurance brought me to happy tears and gave me the push I needed to choose our own feeding path.
Trust Your Gut: This is easy for me to say with nearly a year of parenting under my belt now, but I do wish I had spoken up sooner and more forcefully. One of the LCs who first met with us (and later the first pediatrician) made a passing reference to the tongue tie, but it didn’t really register. I wish that I had flagged that (or at least asked more questions) when we were still in the hospital, since we could have had it addressed on the spot. There were a few other warning signs in those first few days that I wish I had pressed as well.

Focus on your Journey: I wish I could have spent less time worrying about what we were “supposed” to be doing and more time focusing on what worked best for us. How other moms were feeding their babies is frankly irrelevant. Their opinions of how you are feeding your baby is irrelevant. We got there eventually, but it took a lot of pep talks from our doctor and my husband to remember that fed is best. Period.

December 4, 2018

Liz Ariola

motherhood journey

Right time for baby, WRONG time for career?

December 4, 2018

Liz Ariola

motherhood journey

The MAMA SERIES X Lindsey A. Fitzsimons

Morning priority list:

4:40 AM- Wake up/check emails

5:00 AM- Scoop of peanut butter breakfast, pump (more emails), get dressed, make baby’s school lunch

6:00 AM- Spin class

7:00 AM- Run home, get baby up: change diaper, get dressed, give bottle of milk and dump in bed with daddy so I can shower/rinse, re-dress in 15 min; BRUSH TEETH (maybe hair)

7:30- leave the house for daycare drop-off; floss in car

8:30- Arrive at work, have to park in Siberia (cue running into office with pump bag, work bag, lunch bag…storage bags spilling out as I scramble up the stairs, usually accompanied by a trip, or two.)

On paper at least, that’s how a typical morning progresses in my house. The reality, however, is nowhere near as itemized and usually involves James taking a spill or two, needing a second diaper change and me having to nag my husband to wake up and play with James so I can have 10 uninterrupted minutes to dress myself and apply makeup…but those are the semantics.

When my husband and I got married just four years ago, I was twenty-six years old and we knew that we wanted to have our first child by the time I turned thirty. We also knew we wanted to (want to) have multiple children. No problem right? Plenty of time right?

Maybe……..

At that time, I was nearly 3 years into my first PhD program in California, studying Biokinesiology and working in a breast cancer research lab. For personal reasons, I found out fairly suddenly that I needed to move back to the East Coast, and was forced to transfer into a new PhD program. I use the word “transfer,” but really, I had to start over. For anyone out there who has ever gone to graduate school or has a PhD, I know you are cringing right now. For those of you who may not be familiar with the world of academia, this basically means 3 years of your life (literal blood, sweat and tears…lots and lots of tears) have gone down the drain. No big deal if you are 24, single and not geographically-bound. For me on the other hand, this meant reapplying (and hopefully getting accepted) to grad school (no small feat), completing all new coursework, finding a new laboratory and mentor, and starting (and hopefully finishing) a new doctoral dissertation. For anyone who wants to talk about nightmare graduate school experiences, this one was novel-worthy.

Fast forward two years, I have found a new mentor, new research lab and am settled into my new PhD program in the state of Maine. Fortunately for me, I was able to find a mentor who is incredibly supportive and has a research lab that allows me to study the research topic I am most passionate about: heart development.

“On the other hand, I found myself turning 28 and getting closer to 30, and getting antsy to have a baby!”

I use the word antsy, but what I really mean was that my work life had settled, my married life was fulfilling, my husband had an amazing job with a stable income, and yet something was missing. I would be lying if I said that the initial decision to start trying for a baby was a really long and drawn-out, thoughtful process. The reality on the other hand, was that one night I simply asked my husband if he wanted to make a baby, and he said yes! As it turns out, it is true what they say that it only takes “that one time…” haha! I was over the moon, truly! But there is a certain aspect of reality setting in that followed the initial bliss of finding out that you are in fact pregnant with the baby that you tried for. My mind quickly began to spiral with worry- SO MUCH WORRY!

“Women in science and in many careers are usually grouped into two categories: the women who have families (children) and the women that have their careers (don’t have children).”

The assumptions that come along with being clumped into one of these two categories is that you are subsequently less ambitious or committed to science (or your profession) or are incredibly ambitious, whole-heartedly committed to the science (or your profession) and “successful,” respectively. Of course you won’t find this written anywhere, but my experience in thus far has confirmed this to be true.

There is also an ongoing joke amongst female scientists that if you ask anyone (any woman) in academia when a good time to have a baby is, they will tell you: When you’re 50 and post-menopausal. So what’s a girl to do?!?! Spoiler alert: the RIGHT answer is different for everyone. For me, this realization that there was no ‘good time’, pushed me to ultimately just go for it and navigate from there. I calculated the years in would now take me to finish my PhD and wallowed in self-pity when I realized what should have taken me 2-3 years to finish, would now take an additional 4-5 with maternity leave, the academic calendar, etc. This might be the time where I also mention that I teach at a medical school, 3 days a week. Because teaching is part of where my salary comes from (this is common as a PhD student) I am responsible for prep/delivery of lectures, small group labs, and being available to students while still juggling my laboratory work, scientific writing (grants, academic papers, etc.) and all of the administrative responsibilities around my teaching schedule.

I will never forget the day I told my boss I was pregnant, to which his response was: “I am not confident you can juggle everything in front of you that is required for you to finish your degree.” Even a trusted and admired, female faculty mentor told me that she was “disappointed (in me), that I gone to the dark side.” Well, anyone who knows me well, knows that this type of comment is one that will really get me fired up. If you tell me I won’t or can’t overcome a challenge, you better believe I will. The joke I like to make is that even if I’m 80 years old and suing a walker to get across the stage, I will graduate my doctoral degree. Unfortunately, these types of comments are all too common and more often than not, they cut pretty deep.

My husband can attest to the many nights I have spent sobbing over judgmental and passive-aggressive comments that have been said in reference to my gender, background, age, breastfeeding status, etc. etc. The realities of being a (young) woman, working in an area of science/academia, at least for me, includes constantly being judged by my peers, subordinates and mentors. I have to remind myself, sometimes on a daily basis, that my career is not a race and there is no need for my desires to have a family to impact the quality or outcomes in my career arena…but it is hard! I also have found myself in an environment where I’m surrounded by male colleagues, most of whom have had children and whom I assume maintain some sort of family life outside the workplace. Yet, they don’t appear to be concerned about things like leaving on time to make daycare pick up, or not scheduling meetings/events on weekends/holidays when daycare is closed. I only recently mustered up the guts to ask to bring my baby to a casual weekly faculty meeting.

To be honest, this article was a lot harder for me to write than I thought it would be. In one sense, I have a million things to say, stories to tell about my daily grind and the many ways I feel inadequate. On the other hand, I suppose the whole point of doing this piece not just to provide a glimpse into one person’s reality, but to use that reality in an effort empower other, REAL women. Part of me feels self-conscious because in truth, I haven’t yet COMPLETED by PhD and in truth, it is an incredibly long, bureaucratic and political process to earn those extra 3 letters behind your name. That being said, I know I will do it.

Like motherhood (for me), when I commit to something, I commit whole-heartedly to that “baby.” However, where motherhood and earning a terminal degree differ is the tiny fact that a degree has an endpoint, and motherhood is a way of life. The way I look at it, managing a needy career during motherhood is really like a metaphorical see-saw, broken down into professional wellbeing on one end, family/marriage(partnership) wellbeing on the other end, and your personal welling serving as the pillar for which those two professional and family aspects are balanced on.

“Personal wellbeing, both emotional and physical, is the fulcrum, or primary support around which, all other aspects depend upon for balance.”

I’ll admit, I have a love/hate relationship with my personal wellbeing because, like my baby and “work baby”, it requires additional time and energy (that 5:00am spin class comes really early!) BUT---the more I keep myself intact physically and emotionally, the more I find myself better able to handle the everyday ups and downs of family and work like. We’ve all heard it: Take care of yourself so you can be better able to take care of others!

As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, take it one day at a time and enjoy the small successes along the way. Sometimes, the “big (career) goals,” while extraordinarily possible, can take more time when you have more responsibilities to juggle. Waiting and working for “big goals,” in my experience, can lead me down a slippery slope of drowning myself in feelings of disappointment, inadequacy, self-doubt and loss of motivation. It is so incredibly easy to preoccupy oneself with timelines and societal expectations for career-related accomplishments.

For this reason alone, I hope you will all take it upon yourselves and make it a priority to support working mothers. Whether managing a household, a law practice, finishing a GED or PhD- we need to be able to depend on each other and know that we have other mothers/women we can depend upon that can support us when others cannot.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Evening Priority List:

4:15 PM- Leave work

5:00 PM- Arrive at daycare for pickup

5:30 PM- Arrive home, cook dinner for James, bath/play time

7:00 PM- James bed time

7:15 PM- 10:00 PM- Dinner with hubs; finalize prep on tomorrow’s lectures; respond to emails; catch up on

laboratory notes from the day; chip away at manuscripts in progress

10:00 PM- Wind down and pass out; dream about showing up to lecture and realizing I have no pants on

November 26, 2018

Liz Ariola

home style

Hanging wreaths for Christmas

November 26, 2018

Liz Ariola

home style

Decorating for the Holidays

Hanging wreaths on every window (facing the street) of our home was something I’ve always wanted to do for the holidays. This is the first year we are living in a house so I was very excited I finally have the chance to go all out for Christmas.

Hanging wreaths is actually much easier than I imagined….as long as you have the right tools.

Supplies

2.5 inch all weather red ribbon. HERE is the one we used.

1 wreath for each window, I used Trader Joes $10 boxwood wreaths. They are 22 inches wide

1 suction cup wreath hanger for each window

2 Extra large suction cups for our bigger wreaths on the front and side door

A tape measure

A permanent marker and labels

scissors

Candles 1 for each window ( I tried a bunch and these were the best. They automatically turn on when it gets dark and they turn off when it gets light)

Mini suction cups for candles ( We placed each candle in the middle of each wreath)

Step stool

extension cords ( we had to use a few cords to connect the candles into the wall where there were no close by outlets)

Remove screen from each window. Make sure you label which screen goes where. Even if screens look like they are the same size you can have issues rehanging if they get mixed up, and that goes double for older homes. I started with the front of the house, lower level and started from 1. Then labeled the upstairs, upper level and also started with 1.
Figure out where you want your wreaths to hang. I like them to hang in the upper section of the window, completely centered. I then measured where the suction cup that holds the wreath should go based on the positioning. Our suction cup sat 10 inches from the top of the window to the middle of the suction cup. We then placed the suction cup 10.5 inches down the window each time. (We were working through the top of the windows. I pulled the top pane down a few inches and worked from the inside.) Our windows have a wood piece that runs right down the middle so I placed the suction to the right of that molding.
Next I found the flattest part of the boxwood and hung the wreath on the suction hanger at that point
Next I measured how much ribbon I would need. I wanted to leave just a small amount so it would fit on the top of the window. I then cut one piece for each window from that first length. After gently positioning the ribbon around the wreath, I had enough excess to secure it to the top of the open window with a push pin before closing the window and locking everything in place.
I then placed each one of our candles in the center of our wreaths held up with a mini suction cup. I used clear tape to tape the cord to the wooden part of the windows to try and hide it. I did need a few extension cords for a few rooms. I will place one in the center of each wreath and hopefully they will illuminate the center of the wreath making everything come to life.

November 22, 2018

Liz Ariola

baby, diy

GIFT GUIDES

November 22, 2018

Liz Ariola

baby, diy

HOLIDAY SHOPPING FOR THE LITTLE ONES

emphasis on little girls

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emphasis on little boys

PRE holiday PURCHASES

THE LUXE LIST

Your baby is ready to eat! Now what?

DISCLAIMER: ALWAYS CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE MAKING ANY CHANGES TO YOUR BABIES DIET OR LIFESTYLE

FEEDING BABIES SOLIDS

We wait until around six months to introduce solids but most doctors say you can start anywhere from 4-6 months. It depends on neck strength to hold up the head, loss of the tongue thrust reflex that results in baby pushing out food, if your baby seems hungry even after breastmilk/formula, being able to sit up, and if your baby seems interested when you eat. Even when Charlie was doing many of these things I still waited until he was around six months.

Always remember that in the beginning, feeding your baby is all for fun and it should be just that! You won’t decrease breastmilk or formula at first because you are feeding your baby small amounts just to get used to eating and to the many different tastes and textures.

Make sure not to overfeed your baby in the beginning. Start out with two meals per day, feeding your baby 2-4 tablespoons. (4-6 months old). At 7-12 months, feed him/her three meals, each the size of a baby’s fist.

What should babies eat?

You can pretty much start with anything, either fruits, veggies, or meat. As long as it’s pureed it doesn’t really matter what you choose. Baby led weaning is another option that I do not have experience with when it comes to first foods. Just a reminder that honey and corn syrup should not be introduced until after age 1.

One thing I feel passionately about it giving your baby the highest quality of foods you can afford. Even if you don’t eat organic produce, grass-fed beef or free range eggs I personally feel the splurge is worth it for your baby.

I skip right over rice cereal. There are so many reasons why but the main and most important one is that rice cereal contains arsenic. Yup, arsenic.

I personally chose meat over rice cereal and grains which have the same level of fortification of iron and zinc as fortified cereals. To make up for that iron needed for breastfed babies only (there is usually enough iron in formula) I incorporate grass fed lamb and grass fed beef.

Breastfed babies iron levels drop at around 6 months so they do need iron packed foods because their iron stores are depleted, your 6- to 12-month old baby needs to be consuming about 11 mg of iron per day.

“Although babies do not need grains, they do need to eat complex carbohydrates, Peternell said, adding that butternut squash, zucchini and sweet potatoes are all excellent choices. If you choose to feed your baby grains, choose a variety such as oats, multigrain cereal, barley, quinoa and millet. In fact, breastfed infants who were fed pureed meat had higher levels of iron and zinc than those who were fed an iron-fortified infant cereal, according to a study in the Journal of Pediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition.

If you’re raising your baby as a vegetarian, egg yolks are also a good option. Although legumes are iron-rich, they’re not a complete protein unless they’re combined with grains and they should be offered occasionally and when your baby is older, Peternell said.

If you decide to offer grains and you find it makes your baby constipated, foods such as prunes, plums, pears, peaches and apricots can help combat it.

Also, keep in mind that no matter what types of foods you introduce, you should start to offer a new first food every three to five days.

The most important thing is you want to give your baby a wide variety of solids,” Ansel said." Source: FOX

FIRST FOODS

I like introducing foods that are nutrient dense. These include: blended red meat, egg yolk, liver, avocado, banana, squash, meat stock or bone broth.

“1. BLENDED RED MEAT

A 2016 study found that babies who eat along the lines of baby-led weaning are more likely to be deficient in iron, zinc, and vitamin B12, which are super critical nutrients for your growing baby.

Vitamin B12 can only be found in animal foods, and the best sources of iron and zinc are found in red meat like grass-fed lamb or beef.

Keep in mind that breastmilk is low in iron (whereas formula is iron-fortified), so we must get it through diet. Plant sources of iron are poorly absorbed—especially for an immature digestive system that has a harder time converting plant-based iron to the kind we can use—so heme (red meat) iron is best.

To prepare: Once you cook the meat, be it ground meat, or a lamb chop or tender roast, put it into a blender with some filtered water or broth and blend it into a creamy puree to spoon feed to baby.

2. Egg yolk

Loaded with healthy fat, choline (great for baby’s brain and eyes!), and necessary cholesterol—it’s the building block for ALL of our hormones—pastured egg yolks are an easy first food for your baby. Sensing how nutrient-dense egg yolks are, babies often gobble them right up (once they get used to the texture and taste, that is!).

Egg yolks also contain important minerals that baby needs right now like calcium, zinc, selenium, phosphorus as well as vitamin E and vitamin B6.

To prepare: Be sure to soft cook the yolks as not to damage the nutritional profile. Either soft boil the egg and take out the undercooked yolk, lightly poach the egg or cook it over easy. It’s best to serve egg yolks with a bit of fat for optimal absorption of the nutrients, as well as for better digestion (and taste!). Coconut oil may be easiest if it’s in liquid form. You can then sprinkle some shredded liver into it for an extra boost of nutrition.

3. Liver

Offal, or organ meats, are not really part of our culture anymore—but they should be! Organ meats are still an amazing food choice due to their high concentration of nutrients. Liver is also high in true vitamin A, which is extremely important to baby’s development. (Yes, carrots and other orange foods contain beta-carotene, but it doesn’t easily convert to true vitamin A, which is why many babies turn slightly orange when they eat beta-carotene rich foods!) The best source of true vitamin A is animal products, particularly liver.

Liver also contains vitamin D, all B vitamins, folate, zinc, and CoQ10. If you choose chicken liver, you get a good amount of iron as well, which is vital.

To prepare: Purchase high-quality, grass-fed beef, bison or lamb liver. Cook over medium heat in a frying pan in a little ghee or coconut oil. Once one side is brown (not browned or burnt), flip liver and brown the other side. (It cooks fast so keep your eye on it!) You can then add to blender with a little water or broth and serve as a puree. Or, you can let the liver cool and then grate over baby’s egg yolk or banana mash. Do not over feed your baby liver, small amounts are the perfect size.

4. Avocado

Avocado is a great first food. It contains lots of healthy fats, as well as the almighty mineral magnesium, which is so crucial to our health yet is harder and harder to get enough of through our food these days.

Avocado also contains B vitamins including niacin, vitamin E, vitamin K, potassium, folate, and fiber.

To prepare: Cut a whole avocado in half lengthwise, and twist to open. Run a butter knife from top to bottom to make slices, and scoop out with a spoon. Likewise, you can mash or puree the avocado and spoon-feed it to your infant. It’s delicious mashed with ripe banana for a 1:1 ratio.

5. Banana

Some people believe that baby’s first foods shouldn’t include any fruit because baby will get a preference for the sweetness. Truth is, baby already has a preference for sweetness thanks to breastmilk! So don’t worry about baby becoming a sugar bug because of fruit. Bananas are a great first carbohydrate source for babies because they contain amylase, an enzyme necessary for the digestion of carbohydrates (like, bananas!).

Bananas are also a great source of important nutrients like vitamin B6, vitamin C, manganese, magnesium, and potassium.

To prepare: Be sure to select bananas that are very ripe with brown spots as this is a sign that some of the banana’s starch has been converted to a simple sugar, making it easier for baby to digest. It will also be softer and easier to mash. Use a fork and mash by itself or with a little avocado, liver or egg yolk.

6. Butternut/acorn squash with butter

Another easy to digest carbohydrate source is well cooked winter squash. It’s not as starchy as yams and isn’t high in nitrates (more on that below).

Squash is also high in vitamin A, vitamin C, magnesium, potassium and manganese.

To prepare: Cut open your acorn or butternut squash and remove seeds with a spoon. Put on a roasting pan with a little water and bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees, or until the squash is soft and the skin easily separates from the fleshy part of vegetable. Alternatively, you can put in your Instant Pot with 1 cup of broth or water and cook for 7 minutes. Let cool and scoop out flesh. Add in some butter or ghee, which will help convert the beta-carotene into usable vitamin A. Mash well with fork or immersion blender. Serve room temperature.

7. Meat stock or bone broth

Homemade broth or stock contains gelatin, an easy to digest protein, as well as minerals like calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, and sulphur.Broth or stock is particularly excellent at coating and soothing the digestive tract too, which can help strengthen it in preparation for eating harder-to-digest foods (like the difficult-to-digest proteins gluten and casein) later in life.

To prepare: you can find a recipe (with a “how to” video) for chicken stock here.

8. Fermented foods like traditional sauerkraut and whole yogurt

Once baby is a little older, you can add in some sour tasting foods like traditional sauerkraut. Cabbage is an excellent source of vitamin K, but in its raw or cooked state, it’s hard to digest. Fermented cabbage, i.e., sauerkraut, on the other hand, is amazing for digestion. The sour taste stimulates our digestive organs such as the gallbladder and liver. It’s naturally rich in health-promoting probiotics to help colonize baby’s gut with beneficial bacteria—crowding out the bad, and building up the good.

Organic whole yogurt is another excellent food rich in easy to digest protein and fat and rich in calcium, vitamin D and phosphorus. It’s best to wait till 12 months before introducing dairy products (with the exception of eggs, butter or ghee). You can find great grass-fed yogurts at Whole Foods or prepare yourself at home.

To prepare: Make your own sauerkraut, follow this recipe. If DIY isn’t your thing, you can also buy traditionally fermented sauerkraut in health food stores like Whole Foods. Make sure you find it in the refrigerated section and that there is no vinegar on the ingredient list. Vinegar is often added to mimic the taste of natural fermentation—even if the product is not actually fermented (thus not containing any beneficial bacteria). Offer baby a small amount of the sauerkraut juice to get him used to the sour taste. Soon, he’ll love it! “ Source: Mama natural.

food allergies

New research shows introducing common allergy causing foods by 12 months of age and as early as 4-6 months can be a good thing. Eggs, peanuts, and fish are some of these foods. Exposure may reduce the the chance of developing an allergy. You should give these foods regularly (2X per week to maintain tolerance. Start by rubbing a small amount on your babies inner lip and if tolerated after a few hours you can slowly introduce as part of their diet. ALWAYS have Benadryl on hand.

What baby feeding products we love at the Nipple Household

Baby products we love that have to do with feeding!

BabyBrezza Glass One Step Baby Food Maker

As you know, I’m a huge fan of the BabyBrezza products, so their food maker comes highly recommended. We introduced solids at 6 months and I used the BabyBrezza from day one. It is so incredibly easy. You simply put the raw food in the glass bowl, steam, and blend. Whether it’s vegetables, fruit or meat, the BabyBrezza steams and blends the food in one application. The BabyBrezza also comes with recipes organized by age, so you know what foods are age appropriate for your little one. Clean up is also very simple just throw almost every piece in the dishwasher and that’s it! This is one of those products I still use every single day. Now that my son is one, I do not need to blend the foods, but I still use the steamer.

Fresh Squeezed Squeeze Station

This product is a perfect pair with the Baby Brezza. Making all your own baby food has many benefits, but you need a way for your baby to enjoy it on the go, right?! This unit presses your homemade baby food into individual pouches for convenient storage and feeding. Just pour in the puree, press down to fill, squeeze and enjoy. I used this primarily for preparing food when we were traveling or on the go! You can also freeze the packets for your little one to enjoy at a later date.

High Chair: I recommend the 4 moms highchair. The tray is magnetic for easy on and off one handed use. There is also a tray liner you can throw right in the dishwasher or clean in the sink without having to clean the entire tray. The high chair also has bowls that are magnetic that stay secured right on the high chair tray preventing you baby throwing the bowl over the edge. Because the tray liner is so easy to clean, our son’s food goes right on the tray liner. The foam seat is removable and very easy to wash. Overall, I love this highchair for both functionality and its contemporary look.

Inglesina Fast Table Highchair: This is such a great chair to have for both on the go and at home use. We use it at home when we want to have our baby pulled right up to the table. It’s been such a great product for on the go use. Whether it’s a long weekend at my parent’s home or a nice lunch out, this highchair makes eating on the go easier.

Boon Pulp: This is a really fun way for your baby to explore foods and it’s also great for teething! These durable silicone feeders make it easy for your little one to test out fruits and vegetables with its ingenious design and baby-friendly handle, while the easy-clean, dishwasher-safe design makes it parent-friendly, too.

Comotomo Baby Bottles: These bottles have worked really great for us. I love how soft and squishy they are. The bottle features a silicone nipple that mimics feeding at the breast and eases breast-to-bottle transitioning. The wide-neck design makes for easy dishwasher cleaning, while strategic, leak-free vents are designed to help prevent colic. They’ve been dishwasher cleaned too many times to count and they still look brand new.